I've heard from some peeps in this community that wanted to hear more about my experiences this summer, and how they translated into a deeper connection with my kids.
I realize that not everyone here knows the full extent of my story. If you'd like a bit of background, you can find it here: http://natanyalara.com/about/
As to the question of my summer, here's the story... My boys' dad is from the southwest, and for the past couple of summers, he's taken them back there for about a month during the summer.
Last year while they were gone, I wanted to cram in as much as possible during that time ~ so I met friends I rarely get to see, I took yoga classes I don't usually take, and I worked my tail off prepping a virtual class for you! I hardly had time to miss them.
This year, however, things were different. I felt intuitively that I needed to spend the time deepening my personal practices and getting super grounded in my values and intentions, which I did. And, it was intense. I faced and released layer after layer of expectations and beliefs, and the choices I have made because of them. I renewed promises to myself, to stay calm when I'm frustrated, to communicate clearly with my boys so they have a context for my responses, to honor their unique identities and choices.
All of these promises were challenged when they returned. For the first 2-3 weeks, I found my anger rising, felt my desire to lash out, would get to the breaking point and yell. But with *very* careful and slow intention, I remembered to use my practices, I viewed them as individual people with free will (rather than just being frustrated that they weren't doing what I wanted), and got myself back on track.
All this is to say, none of us is perfect. We all fall off the path of our best intentions. We all need to forgive ourselves at times, and move on toward who we truly wish to be. When we can accept ourselves, it sets the stage for amazing things to happen.
Take a look at where you are on your path. Could you use some reflection about what you truly want in your family? Can you forgive yourself for whatever you might be doing that's not 'perfect'? Do try. And please reach out for support if you need <3
Sending you so much love.